It sure has been awhile since I’ve posted or shared anything but I sure am glad to be back. It’s taken me way too long. I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime of events since sharing or making a video but I’ve finally returned. I am thankful to be able to share with you.
Some of you who are reading this post may have seen my videos that I started on YouTube in the beginning in 2019. My last one was posted in 2022 and here we are heading into 2025 in a few months. I guess it's better late than never!
It feels like an eternity but I am ready to start sharing and speaking again. Finally.
It feels like a new beginning, and it is. I honestly believe I am a completely different person. I actually know I am. Let’s call it what it is. I am the by product of an enormous amount of healing, growth and learning. I have had to go down into the pits of despair to finally float back to the surface. I am so thankful that I eventually did drift back up. Part of me is scared to be exposed on the surface, but another part of me is proud of what I have become since doing so.
I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve been seeing a psychotherapist for over 5 years. When you have been brainwashed and programmed the way I have been for most of your life, you would understand why. Growing up in a cult and enduring severe mental, emotional and physical abuse tends to do significant damage.
There is no shame in speaking to someone, to help you sift through what is real and what isn’t. There have been many times that I have been figuratively shaken by my therapist, to help snap me out of my disillusionment. I had painted a fictional picture of my past.
I had pretended I lived a normal upbringing. I pretended I was just like everyone else. What a lie that was! I was living in a fairy tale in my own head. Pretending and convincing myself that it wasn’t so bad. Pretending that I was ok. And I was ok for awhile, until the house of cards came crashing down.
I have no regrets though. I am kind of thankful that I had disassociated from most of my trauma and pain. I feel if I hadn’t done that, I would have been changed. And I liked who I was. Even now, as I am so different, I like who I am because the core of who I was has never changed. I am so thankful for that. In fact, I feel blessed for it.
I feel compelled to share and tell my story because I believe it will help others who are travelling a similar path. In fact, I will quote the brilliant author Laura Lentz, from her book ‘Freeing the Turkeys’.
“Stories might just save the world. Mine, and yours. They are a life raft in a turbulent sea”.
So let’s hold onto each others life rafts, and we surely will make it to calmer waters. Let’s be the thoughtful and intentional creators of our own stories and live a life where happiness and love are at the core.
Until next time, be well, safe and in peace.
In joy and love,
Shawna
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